And the Worst Picture goes to...

Who would've honestly thought that "Hurt Locker" had the slingshot to bring down the blockbuster giant and Oscar-favorite "Avatar"? I, for one, didn't. And after watching the controversial film, I still don't get the point. It's a good movie, but "good" movies do not necessarily win Oscars.

One thing's for sure though: what we won't see receiving an Oscar Best Picture anytime soon--or perhaps, EVER--are "video game" movies. Care to argue? Here's a list:

Super Mario Bros.
Street Fighter
Mortal Kombat
Fatal Fury
BloodRayne
Silent Hill
Dead or Alive
Doom
Max Payne

It's a small sample, but what you see are definitely some of the worst movies made in recent times (BloodRayne in particular still gives me night chills). You can argue that the likes of Hitman, Resident Evil (they have Mila Jovovich to thank for) and Tomb Raider were "ok" (and I use the term"ok" very loosely), but there are just some movies that you watch only when nothing else is on...and they're not even that! If only they were as entertaining on the big screen as they were on our playstations or PC's.

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Speaking of Hitman, I've always felt that Timothy Olyphant was such a miscast for the leading role. You can have him pimping pornstars at "Girl Next Door", or wooing grieving girls in "Catch and Release" for all I care...just not as some fearsome assassin. Even before I realized a movie was being made, I've already penciled this guy in as the perfect actor for the role of Agent 47:

(Jason Statham's Ima-Bitchslap-That-Timothy-Olyphant-Guy look)

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Now as if we need any more horrible movie adaptations, here is another popular video game which, from the looks of the trailer alone, is going to be botched big time in the big screen yet again:



We can only hope that Prince of Persia, set to come out this year, would at least be half-decent.

But with Jake Gyllenhaal at helm, I guess we'll never know.

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Lastly, another popular video game and personal favorite rumored to be on its way to the big screen is God of War. Djimon Honsou (Blood Diamond, Gladiator) is rumored to take the role of Kratos, the Spartan warrior out to take revenge on Ares, the Greek God of War, for the murder of his family. Some sites think Vin Diesel or even former wrestling star Goldberg is better suited for the role, and I have to agree, since Kratos is definitely not a black man in the video game. Or better yet, IGN hit the nail in the head wih the Dominic Purcell comparison, and I cannot agree more:

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I was going to close out by saying that I could only wish that hollywood would make a movie out of the baddest ass video game ever, Metal Gear...until I bumped into this site.


And just like that, my wish was granted--that is, until they put some lousy guy like Dennis Quaid in the leading role.

Nurse-cissistic much?

There are many questions in life that has baffled even the wisest and greatest minds in history, like "Why is Kris Aquino the most annoying person on earth?", "Am I gay?", "How much does Peter North make in a month?", "No really...am I GAY?!" or the perplexing "Why can't I fucking change the freaking WALLPAPER in Windows 7 Starter Edition?" (seriously, you really can't, which is an epic fail on Microsoft's part).

But then there's one question in particular that has really bothered me for quiet some time now, and it concerns the ad of a certain local nursing review center.

(One word: Why?)

Lo and behold, the Carl E. Balita Review Center.

Call me crazy, but if half your ad has your face plastered all over it instead of the service you're trying to promote then there's something terribly wrong with you or your ad agency (or perhaps both). I mean c'mon, what exactly are you trying to sell here, a review center or a skin care treatment?

(Look at me, I'm a mowdell--and I have a cleft chin too!)

They could've shown pictures of their facility, their students who passed the board, or hell, even statistics of their passing rate in the biggest and boldest of fonts possible. Instead, they opted to show, not one, but two utterly unnecessary pictures of the same guy who already has the center named after him. If that's not "nurse-cissism" then I don't know what is.

Hopefully, they'll pull this off soon and make an ad that will do their review center justice. After all, if what they're after is increase in enrollment, they can always do promos like free limited edition Carl Balita autographed 8x10 pictures, or "Meet and Greet Carl Balita Day"; I'm sure they'll figure something out.

Of politics and ads (part 2)

As if he needed any more bad rap, Senator Manny Villar is once again on the crosshairs, thanks to fellow senator and presidentiable Dick Gordon, who accused Villar of bribing him a cabinet post and reimbursement of his campaign expenses in exchange of backing out from the race as well as withdrawing his support from Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile (Inquirer article here).

With that said, why is majority of the "mudslinging" happening these days directed towards Villar? Could someone really be so unanimously hated by his peers that even a presidentiable with decimaled ratings would still bother to hurl "dirt" at him?

The answer, I found out, lies in one of Villar's earlier ads. (hint: 0:29)



Apparently, he likes to wipe them on his shirt.

Of politics and ads

Presidentiables Benigno Aquino Jr. and Senator Manny Villar are at it again when the former accused the latter of stealing his (in)famous “Hindi Ako Magnanakaw” line (full article here).

Personally, if I were in Noynoy’s place, I wouldn’t mind it one bit to have such mantra "stolen" (I'd actually be relieved to have it taken off my hands). I mean, c’mon…”hindi ako magnanakaw”?! It sounds like something someone would say when cornered and when out of anything remotely intelligible to say.

(SCENE 1)

Reporter: So Mr. Aquino, what can you say about the Kyoto Protocol and our supposed non-compliance to the international standard when recent studies showed the country as being one of the foremost violators of the international agreement when local airborne greenhouse gas emitions were measured at an all time high of 1.6 tons per capita, despite the treaty's mandatory 3-part mechanism of emissions trading, joint implementation and clean development ?

Noynoy: Uhm, yes. Of course! And…uh…besides…uh…HINDI AKO MAGNANAKAW!

And of course, he can also choose to have it patented so he can keep all the rights.

(SCENE 2)

Police: Ikaw ‘yun! Ikaw yung nahuling nagnanakaw sa security cam!

Suspect: Naku! Hindi po! Hindi po ako magnanakaw—patent Benigno Aquino Jr, 2010!

On the other hand, he can retaliate and steal some of Manny Villar’s slogans (God knows he has waaay too many). Besides, it looks like Villar can afford to lend a line or two. Noynoy can choose from “Akala mo”, “Check!”, "Lumuwa ang buwa ko", or the motherload, "Dagat ng Basura" which is thankfully off-air at long last (FINALLY!).

Or he can always make a new one. And since being dirt poor seems to be the new "it" among politicians these days (like "Tunay na mahirap" for instance, whatever the hell that means), maybe he can try something out like..."Noynoy Palaboy".

Definitely has a ring to it.

Noynoy Palaboy. I ought to patent that.

That is so...

Rainbow princess extraordinaire Elton John recently caused an uproar in Christian circles when he claimed in an interview that Jesus Christ was, well...gay (and not the "happy" kind of gay, mind you).

The British nancy-boy was quoted, saying "I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems".

I must say, his comments were completely and utterly below the belt. And yes, that pun was intended.

He has been a very vocal LGBT rights spokesperson for years, so he should know better to respect people's religious beliefs. After all, you can't expect people to respect your views if you can't respect theirs.

I'm neither a devout Christian nor a homo-hater but what he said was really, really gay (even by his astronomical standards).

Full article here